In the nine years since I became a mother, I have often pondered the purpose of music in our mortal experience. In observing each of my children, it was apparent within the first few weeks of life that each newborn understood the language of music. Music calms and soothes them. Music enlivens and liberates them. Children and adults of all ages naturally connect with music, and express themselves through it. We are all excited, liberated, and calmed by it.
As a preschooler, Holden was especially drawn to musical notes, and began composing original melodies at three years old. When he was four years old he begged me to teach him how to play the piano. We began the beginner books together, and he LOVED it! As his abilities grew and his love for the instrument blossomed, and I began feeling pressure to find him a "real" teacher.
After a highly recommended referral, we hired a young college student who was studying music at the university to come to our house once a week to teach Holden. It was a new expense to our budget, but we viewed it as the gift we needed to give him. The teacher agreed with us that Holden was a young prodigy and began challenging and shaping her new student. As she regularly corrected bad habits and encouraged perfection, I was surprised to see that our little blossom began to wilt.
He no longer wanted to practice, he didn’t touch the piano every day as he once had, and he stopped creating new melodies and discovering new songs in his world. He said that he liked piano lessons, but I wondered. I felt confused about what I was supposed to do with my son who was so gifted--
He seemed to have lost the love. I wasn’t finding any answers other than the prompting to stop the lessons completely. I didn’t understand why that would be the right thing, but we obeyed.
About this time, his older brother Gary was showing increased interest in the piano. This time we hired the neighborhood teacher. She was wonderful because she really loved Gary and loved teaching him. About a year into his lessons, he was doing well and progressing through his books, yet his attitude towards the piano and practicing was worrisome to me. Practicing the piano was a chore, and one that caused a lot of tears. He watched the clock like a hawk, counting down until his assigned practice time was over. He was only practicing to check it off his list so he could move on to things he enjoyed doing more. He did not feel any ownership in his own musical education. Again I was confused about what to do about this situation that wasn’t quite right. Until we could receive an answer, we didn’t need to waste more time and money, so we stopped the lessons.
For the next six months I had my eyes and ears open to anyone and everyone’s opinion on music and music lessons. I was absolutely hungry for answers. I began asking everyone that I knew about their thoughts. What age should we begin teaching music? What is the best way to teach children? Is practicing the instrument a requirement? I asked nearly all my friends and acquaintances, "Did YOU take lessons?" followed by "do you play NOW?" and "does making music bring you joy?" "What about your siblings?" I wanted to know each person’s journey and their current feelings about music and their instruments. I asked families about their requirements of their children. Were lessons mandatory? Is practicing required? Most importantly, do your children associate music with misery, or joy? I was intrigued and fascinated by the advice I received. Though the opinions were slightly varied, I sensed one underlying message in nearly everyone I talked to:
"Playing this instrument is a requirement in our home. You don’t get to choose what, when or how long you play. I pay for the lessons, and you are grateful. You practice 30 minutes every day before you may move onto more enjoyable pursuits. No complaining."
Nearly every adult I talked to said yes, they did take lessons, and no, they didn’t really like or know how to play now.
I was perplexed. Was I the ONLY one that thought there just might be a fault in our system??
An education mentor of mine suggested I look into the Suzuki Method of Talent Education. I had heard enough talk of Suzuki to know that people were fiercely in favor or fiercely opposed to this method. In order to form my own opinion, I read "Nurtured by Love", written by Shinichi Suzuki. The book had a refreshing new flavor. I agreed with his belief that music is simply a new language that can be easily acquired and loved if we are surrounded with it as we are our mother tongue. His beliefs on how to effectively educate or how to ineffectively educate were congruent with the results I had found in my "experiment" with our current culture of music education.
Although I believed in Suzuki’s philosophies and goals for the future of our children, I still didn’t feel I had an answer. Was moving strictly to the Suzuki Method right for our family? It seemed that the Suzuki people believe their way is the only way, and that the traditional teachers believe their way is the only way. Couldn’t there be a coming together of the best of both philosophies?
Darin and I continued our frequent discussions regarding our own beliefs. We found that we had to step beyond our cultural expectations and examine our own thoughts about music. I often asked myself, "What is the ultimate objective we are trying to achieve with music lessons?" Is it that our children can play in church? Is it that our children fit in with the other neighbor kids who are taking lessons? Is it that they become smarter individuals? Is it that they understand how to read music for further opportunities in life?
"What is music really for?"
My mind traveled back to our family Christmas party last year. A musical number was performed by a cousin and her husband who had recently become parents. The notes they sang were not in tune, their voices obviously untrained, yet I was deeply moved by their music. Tears came to my eyes as I thought what a lucky boy theirs was to be raised in the language of music. To be born to parents who know that music is a way for us to communicate spirit to spirit, in a way that words cannot. How very lucky he was to have a mom and a dad who really truly FEEL the joy of music. Who sing regardless of professional training, because it brings them deep JOY. Their message permeated my soul...
Yes, music is for joy.
As the months passed, more answers came. If music is for joy, then we needed to make it that way in our home. Darin and I became much more conscious about showing the joy of music in our lives. We began looking for opportunities to take the children to concerts and talking about exciting opportunities to feel others’ passion for music. We instituted Sunday night "Family Show" where everyone is invited to perform anything they would like, and guests are invited to participate impromptu. I asked others to share their talents and their joy of music with us. I played music more consciously. I prioritized singing to the children every night before bed. I spoke more frequently of Darin’s goal of becoming a musician full-time, and became more supportive of his hours of practicing. I stopped wishing that I played the violin and actually started playing. I created more opportunities for our children to sing for people and thus bring others joy. These decisions resulted in many sweet moments together.
Then one day Holden came to me with tears in his eyes, "Mom, I have been asking you for a LONG time if I could please start piano lessons again." Ugh. A feeling of dread came over me as I remembered about the lesson debate again. "Oh yeah… ...lessons." We had been having such a great time inspiring a love of music, and now the inspiring had worked! But that meant that now I had to think about lessons again. It meant I had to figure out what "method" and teacher would be best for us.
It quickly became a matter of prayer. Intuitively, I knew that music was to become an important part of our family’s story. In the past six months, I had seen it unite our family. Shortly after we began "music morning" (one day a week when Darin stays home in the morning just to play music with us), we set a goal to travel the country performing together. Another goal was set for the "Paul Brothers Quartet" to raise enough money to go to Disneyland! In our home, we were really feeling the joy of music again, and because of our previous experiences, I dreaded having to begin "lessons" again.
Every day I prayed for guidance. This dilemma that some would view as relatively insignificant was everything to me. I knew that the teacher we found for our children would seriously impact the way our children felt about the piano, and music in general. We knew our children had the potential to become great musicians, but we also believed more importantly that they must find joy in their journey. We needed someone who thought like us.
I contacted several Suzuki teachers, and got referrals for three more traditional teachers. I began interviewing with specific questions to discuss.
We discussed the importance of the children taking ownership. I asked how the teacher really gets to know each child and if they might ask the children to set their own goals. I asked about approaches to the very different learning styles of my boys, and I asked what the teacher would do about a child that wants to play in their own way rather than the ‘correct’ way. I asked if they play for the children, or do anything else to inspire greatness. I wondered whether or not the teacher could give us more ideas for immersing our family in music.
We met many flavors of piano teachers. To one teacher I described my journey and investment in making the right choice for our family. I told her our belief that if the children are not experiencing joy in the journey, that we are missing the point.
This woman, much older, highly educated and far more musically accomplished than me, chuckled and promptly corrected me. She said that it would not necessarily bring joy, but rather it would be a lot of hard work that would pay off in the end.
I thought to myself, "the end of WHAT?" The end of their lessons? The end of their childhood? The end of their love of music???
I left that day feeling like I was the crazy one. Who was I to say what music was, or was not. I myself struggled through piano lessons and can hardly play through a hymn or two. That struggle doesn’t bring me joy. I dream of performing the violin but so far I can barely remember which strings are which. Maybe I just simply don’t know.
I’d have to sit with that for a while.
At the beginning of November, I needed to replace a violin string and decided to take the whole family to Day Murray Music hoping to do some inspiring while we were there. Holden had been showing increased interest in the cello so I asked if we could possibly see their children’s cellos. We felt honored to have a private tour upstairs where Adam Day helped Holden sit with the cello and really feel it. Because of our commitment to inspire a love of music, we took Holden to Adam’s cello recital that evening.
I received a referral for another piano teacher earlier that day, but figured I’d ask our new friend Adam if he also knew of anyone who teaches piano. He seemed to be educated in Suzuki vs. traditional lessons and I was interested in his opinion. Surprisingly, he said his wife was the best teacher he knows. I got her contact info, thanked him, and we left.
That night my head was racing, and I woke up the next morning thinking about this new referral. The familiar nudging of the spirit didn’t leave me that entire day… or the next day... I really needed to look into this one.
In the past, I had dreaded going to most of the other teacher meetings, but this time I was totally intrigued as to why the spirit was directing me to this family. Also, from our few correspondences, I could tell she was different. At the end of one of her emails I followed a link to her blog, figuring it might help me to know her better. When I had time to focus, I followed all the links that she said were directly correlated to her philosophies about music.
Her first entry intrigued me…she didn’t claim to be a teacher, but a mentor. This meant that she understood that it is the student’s job to educate themselves, not the teacher’s. Next, she began to describe the very same journey that our family has recently taken, using the parenting pyramid that we love so much. She described the struggle we experienced with our previous lessons and illustrated a superior approach to teaching... Setting the example, understanding the students, keeping them thirsty for more knowledge, slowing down to smell the flowers, and soaking up the sweet moments as they come.
Tears ran down my cheeks as I read her entry titled "What is it all for?"
It was the very question I had asked myself so many times over the last year.
Could it possibly be true? I could hardly believe that I had found a teacher who viewed the purpose and education of music in the same light as we do. Furthermore, unlike myself, she has the experience to back it up. She has a degree in piano performance, years of study in highly competitive arenas, extensive accompanying and chamber experience, and formal piano pedagogical studies in three different methods. Most importantly, she believes in the human spirit. Like us, she believes that given the right fertile environment and opportunities for growth, children will learn. Without force.
As for now, I am not highly educated in the language of music, but I believe in my intuitive voice. My inner guide tells me that music has a higher purpose in our lives. When expressed sincerely, music has the power to open portals of communication with the divine. It has the power to bring souls to Christ, and is a gift from God for us to experience deep joy. My intuition was right- because of these higher purposes, we must be extremely careful about how we teach our children the language of music.
So, we’ll study the great musicians, we’ll schedule plenty of time for free play and musical expression. We will simplify, not complicate the learning process. We’ll preserve our environment where music thrives. We will fertilize the soil and protect our growing seeds in this fragile stage. We’ll invite, encourage and inspire. And with a mentor to provide the answers that Darin and I do not know, I believe that our children will also believe in the higher purposes of music. As I work hard to earn my place in that great conversation that is taking place, I believe my children will choose to do the same. And in the end, there will be joy in the journey.
As a preschooler, Holden was especially drawn to musical notes, and began composing original melodies at three years old. When he was four years old he begged me to teach him how to play the piano. We began the beginner books together, and he LOVED it! As his abilities grew and his love for the instrument blossomed, and I began feeling pressure to find him a "real" teacher.
After a highly recommended referral, we hired a young college student who was studying music at the university to come to our house once a week to teach Holden. It was a new expense to our budget, but we viewed it as the gift we needed to give him. The teacher agreed with us that Holden was a young prodigy and began challenging and shaping her new student. As she regularly corrected bad habits and encouraged perfection, I was surprised to see that our little blossom began to wilt.
He no longer wanted to practice, he didn’t touch the piano every day as he once had, and he stopped creating new melodies and discovering new songs in his world. He said that he liked piano lessons, but I wondered. I felt confused about what I was supposed to do with my son who was so gifted--
He seemed to have lost the love. I wasn’t finding any answers other than the prompting to stop the lessons completely. I didn’t understand why that would be the right thing, but we obeyed.
About this time, his older brother Gary was showing increased interest in the piano. This time we hired the neighborhood teacher. She was wonderful because she really loved Gary and loved teaching him. About a year into his lessons, he was doing well and progressing through his books, yet his attitude towards the piano and practicing was worrisome to me. Practicing the piano was a chore, and one that caused a lot of tears. He watched the clock like a hawk, counting down until his assigned practice time was over. He was only practicing to check it off his list so he could move on to things he enjoyed doing more. He did not feel any ownership in his own musical education. Again I was confused about what to do about this situation that wasn’t quite right. Until we could receive an answer, we didn’t need to waste more time and money, so we stopped the lessons.
For the next six months I had my eyes and ears open to anyone and everyone’s opinion on music and music lessons. I was absolutely hungry for answers. I began asking everyone that I knew about their thoughts. What age should we begin teaching music? What is the best way to teach children? Is practicing the instrument a requirement? I asked nearly all my friends and acquaintances, "Did YOU take lessons?" followed by "do you play NOW?" and "does making music bring you joy?" "What about your siblings?" I wanted to know each person’s journey and their current feelings about music and their instruments. I asked families about their requirements of their children. Were lessons mandatory? Is practicing required? Most importantly, do your children associate music with misery, or joy? I was intrigued and fascinated by the advice I received. Though the opinions were slightly varied, I sensed one underlying message in nearly everyone I talked to:
"Playing this instrument is a requirement in our home. You don’t get to choose what, when or how long you play. I pay for the lessons, and you are grateful. You practice 30 minutes every day before you may move onto more enjoyable pursuits. No complaining."
Nearly every adult I talked to said yes, they did take lessons, and no, they didn’t really like or know how to play now.
I was perplexed. Was I the ONLY one that thought there just might be a fault in our system??
An education mentor of mine suggested I look into the Suzuki Method of Talent Education. I had heard enough talk of Suzuki to know that people were fiercely in favor or fiercely opposed to this method. In order to form my own opinion, I read "Nurtured by Love", written by Shinichi Suzuki. The book had a refreshing new flavor. I agreed with his belief that music is simply a new language that can be easily acquired and loved if we are surrounded with it as we are our mother tongue. His beliefs on how to effectively educate or how to ineffectively educate were congruent with the results I had found in my "experiment" with our current culture of music education.
Although I believed in Suzuki’s philosophies and goals for the future of our children, I still didn’t feel I had an answer. Was moving strictly to the Suzuki Method right for our family? It seemed that the Suzuki people believe their way is the only way, and that the traditional teachers believe their way is the only way. Couldn’t there be a coming together of the best of both philosophies?
Darin and I continued our frequent discussions regarding our own beliefs. We found that we had to step beyond our cultural expectations and examine our own thoughts about music. I often asked myself, "What is the ultimate objective we are trying to achieve with music lessons?" Is it that our children can play in church? Is it that our children fit in with the other neighbor kids who are taking lessons? Is it that they become smarter individuals? Is it that they understand how to read music for further opportunities in life?
"What is music really for?"
My mind traveled back to our family Christmas party last year. A musical number was performed by a cousin and her husband who had recently become parents. The notes they sang were not in tune, their voices obviously untrained, yet I was deeply moved by their music. Tears came to my eyes as I thought what a lucky boy theirs was to be raised in the language of music. To be born to parents who know that music is a way for us to communicate spirit to spirit, in a way that words cannot. How very lucky he was to have a mom and a dad who really truly FEEL the joy of music. Who sing regardless of professional training, because it brings them deep JOY. Their message permeated my soul...
Yes, music is for joy.
As the months passed, more answers came. If music is for joy, then we needed to make it that way in our home. Darin and I became much more conscious about showing the joy of music in our lives. We began looking for opportunities to take the children to concerts and talking about exciting opportunities to feel others’ passion for music. We instituted Sunday night "Family Show" where everyone is invited to perform anything they would like, and guests are invited to participate impromptu. I asked others to share their talents and their joy of music with us. I played music more consciously. I prioritized singing to the children every night before bed. I spoke more frequently of Darin’s goal of becoming a musician full-time, and became more supportive of his hours of practicing. I stopped wishing that I played the violin and actually started playing. I created more opportunities for our children to sing for people and thus bring others joy. These decisions resulted in many sweet moments together.
Then one day Holden came to me with tears in his eyes, "Mom, I have been asking you for a LONG time if I could please start piano lessons again." Ugh. A feeling of dread came over me as I remembered about the lesson debate again. "Oh yeah… ...lessons." We had been having such a great time inspiring a love of music, and now the inspiring had worked! But that meant that now I had to think about lessons again. It meant I had to figure out what "method" and teacher would be best for us.
It quickly became a matter of prayer. Intuitively, I knew that music was to become an important part of our family’s story. In the past six months, I had seen it unite our family. Shortly after we began "music morning" (one day a week when Darin stays home in the morning just to play music with us), we set a goal to travel the country performing together. Another goal was set for the "Paul Brothers Quartet" to raise enough money to go to Disneyland! In our home, we were really feeling the joy of music again, and because of our previous experiences, I dreaded having to begin "lessons" again.
Every day I prayed for guidance. This dilemma that some would view as relatively insignificant was everything to me. I knew that the teacher we found for our children would seriously impact the way our children felt about the piano, and music in general. We knew our children had the potential to become great musicians, but we also believed more importantly that they must find joy in their journey. We needed someone who thought like us.
I contacted several Suzuki teachers, and got referrals for three more traditional teachers. I began interviewing with specific questions to discuss.
We discussed the importance of the children taking ownership. I asked how the teacher really gets to know each child and if they might ask the children to set their own goals. I asked about approaches to the very different learning styles of my boys, and I asked what the teacher would do about a child that wants to play in their own way rather than the ‘correct’ way. I asked if they play for the children, or do anything else to inspire greatness. I wondered whether or not the teacher could give us more ideas for immersing our family in music.
We met many flavors of piano teachers. To one teacher I described my journey and investment in making the right choice for our family. I told her our belief that if the children are not experiencing joy in the journey, that we are missing the point.
This woman, much older, highly educated and far more musically accomplished than me, chuckled and promptly corrected me. She said that it would not necessarily bring joy, but rather it would be a lot of hard work that would pay off in the end.
I thought to myself, "the end of WHAT?" The end of their lessons? The end of their childhood? The end of their love of music???
I left that day feeling like I was the crazy one. Who was I to say what music was, or was not. I myself struggled through piano lessons and can hardly play through a hymn or two. That struggle doesn’t bring me joy. I dream of performing the violin but so far I can barely remember which strings are which. Maybe I just simply don’t know.
I’d have to sit with that for a while.
At the beginning of November, I needed to replace a violin string and decided to take the whole family to Day Murray Music hoping to do some inspiring while we were there. Holden had been showing increased interest in the cello so I asked if we could possibly see their children’s cellos. We felt honored to have a private tour upstairs where Adam Day helped Holden sit with the cello and really feel it. Because of our commitment to inspire a love of music, we took Holden to Adam’s cello recital that evening.
I received a referral for another piano teacher earlier that day, but figured I’d ask our new friend Adam if he also knew of anyone who teaches piano. He seemed to be educated in Suzuki vs. traditional lessons and I was interested in his opinion. Surprisingly, he said his wife was the best teacher he knows. I got her contact info, thanked him, and we left.
That night my head was racing, and I woke up the next morning thinking about this new referral. The familiar nudging of the spirit didn’t leave me that entire day… or the next day... I really needed to look into this one.
In the past, I had dreaded going to most of the other teacher meetings, but this time I was totally intrigued as to why the spirit was directing me to this family. Also, from our few correspondences, I could tell she was different. At the end of one of her emails I followed a link to her blog, figuring it might help me to know her better. When I had time to focus, I followed all the links that she said were directly correlated to her philosophies about music.
Her first entry intrigued me…she didn’t claim to be a teacher, but a mentor. This meant that she understood that it is the student’s job to educate themselves, not the teacher’s. Next, she began to describe the very same journey that our family has recently taken, using the parenting pyramid that we love so much. She described the struggle we experienced with our previous lessons and illustrated a superior approach to teaching... Setting the example, understanding the students, keeping them thirsty for more knowledge, slowing down to smell the flowers, and soaking up the sweet moments as they come.
Tears ran down my cheeks as I read her entry titled "What is it all for?"
It was the very question I had asked myself so many times over the last year.
Could it possibly be true? I could hardly believe that I had found a teacher who viewed the purpose and education of music in the same light as we do. Furthermore, unlike myself, she has the experience to back it up. She has a degree in piano performance, years of study in highly competitive arenas, extensive accompanying and chamber experience, and formal piano pedagogical studies in three different methods. Most importantly, she believes in the human spirit. Like us, she believes that given the right fertile environment and opportunities for growth, children will learn. Without force.
As for now, I am not highly educated in the language of music, but I believe in my intuitive voice. My inner guide tells me that music has a higher purpose in our lives. When expressed sincerely, music has the power to open portals of communication with the divine. It has the power to bring souls to Christ, and is a gift from God for us to experience deep joy. My intuition was right- because of these higher purposes, we must be extremely careful about how we teach our children the language of music.
So, we’ll study the great musicians, we’ll schedule plenty of time for free play and musical expression. We will simplify, not complicate the learning process. We’ll preserve our environment where music thrives. We will fertilize the soil and protect our growing seeds in this fragile stage. We’ll invite, encourage and inspire. And with a mentor to provide the answers that Darin and I do not know, I believe that our children will also believe in the higher purposes of music. As I work hard to earn my place in that great conversation that is taking place, I believe my children will choose to do the same. And in the end, there will be joy in the journey.
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