Full. Real. Unfinished.

Just for today... I'll hand it all over to God Just for today... He can carry my sorrows, fears, and hopes for the future Just for today... I'll live in this  moment.  Right here.  Now. Just for today... I'll open the doors to Grace, and surrender as it swallows me whole Just for today... I'll trust that light will overcome darkness, t hat Godliness will overcome idleness, t hat joy will overcome sorrow Just for today... I'll believe that it will all work out.

They don’t want to go there They only want to play The game that is sucking the life from my soul. Beauty, thinness, dark skin, colored hair Makeup on eyebrows and artificial lashes A chest that is perky- not too big, not too small Clothes that are meant to reveal just enough Pretty faces, sassy comments, and an enticing smile- Everything’s perfect when the game is on I don’t want to go there I don’t want to play The game that is fruitless and will never end I am tired, I am done I’ve given it all… and they’ve won Now I see more, beyond the rules of this game I see beauty, I see courage I see light, joy, and love Understanding, I see glory I see mercy, I see grace Resurrecting my soul from the darkest abyss, I am open and vulnerable I hold nothing back Now I will live with all of my heart, Exploring the darkness, discovering the light Connecting with others… deeply and fully Reveals that we’re all in the fight of our lives ...

Only  you know the fight I am in. Only you know: the intensity with which I feel emotion the depth of my conversion the pains of mental illness    the daily battles that I fight the difficulty of motherhood the passion that  burns inside of me my desire to be understood my desire to understand  the natural man within me the love that fills my heart to bursting    the fears that haunt me the terror of placing my heart upon your altar   my willingness to give anything  for my children's happiness my selfish and stony heart my insatiable need to make a deep, lasting impact on the world my tears of inadequacy the sweetness of the fruit I have tasted the mists of darkness all around me my extreme exhaustion my willingness to endure  the canyons I have crawled through the mountains I have climbed my white-knuckled moments of sheer desperation the painful stretching of my soul my inexpressible love for my Savior   ...

She just left my house I am frozen Unable to engage in anything Mists of darkness cloud my mind Plastic surgery Liposuction Secrecy She is a victim If only she were thin Happiness she has waited 18 years for "Beautiful" women Deception Darkness I am sitting here, still Tears keep threatening My spirit speaks to me Quiet.  I must listen.