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Prayer of an Addict

Only you know the fight I am in.

 Only you know:
the intensity with which I feel emotion
the depth of my conversion
the pains of mental illness  
the daily battles that I fight
the difficulty of motherhood
the passion that burns inside of me
my desire to be understood
my desire to understand 
the natural man within me
the love that fills my heart to bursting  
the fears that haunt me
the terror of placing my heart upon your altar 
my willingness to give anything for my children's happiness
my selfish and stony heart
my insatiable need to make a deep, lasting impact on the world
my tears of inadequacy
the sweetness of the fruit I have tasted
the mists of darkness all around me
my extreme exhaustion
my willingness to endure 
the canyons I have crawled through
the mountains I have climbed
my white-knuckled moments of sheer desperation
the painful stretching of my soul
my inexpressible love for my Savior   
my crucible of doubt
the decision that I made
the innumerable hours spent on my knees
the wisdom I have learned
how beautiful I will become
the purpose behind it all.

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