Full. Real. Unfinished.

Today I was weeping on an off all day. It was one of those days where you see in yourself the very traits that you resented so badly in your own parents. A day where you wish you could literally  run from the responsibilities of family life. Where you see desperation behind why your parents did some of the crazy things they did, and all you can do is breakdown crying because-- Who knew that being a parent was so damn hard?!?

Feels like nobody cares Feels like they're all busy Feels like they need me to be something Feels like I need to have something to say Feels like they'll ask questions that I can't answer Feels like the connection that I need costs too much

I'm going to say one word. But first, put down your weapons of war because it's not time to fight, it's time to think. The word is   Vaccinations . They've been a topic of very passionate debate for over 200 years now,  I am a Registered Nurse and a mom to 5 school-aged children.  I do have strong opinions on vaccines (and some may surprise you).  But you won't hear them here. This is not an article on whether to vax or not.   The recent hype about measles in NYC brings to the surface a problem significantly greater than vaccinations themselves.   What is going on? On April 9, 2019, NYC officials declared a public health emergency after almost 300 reported cases of measles.  They announced fines of up to $1000 if people disobey the mandatory vaccination order.  They are also asking parents to vaccinate babies as young as 6 months old, although the current recommended schedule does not propose the vaccine until the first birthday.  D...

I'm here. Present. Feeling the pulse beat through me. Showing up. Wondering and hoping. Praying like crazy. And trusting that it will all work out.

So, so much emotion today. Our lives have changed completely over the last five months. Where we stood hand in hand for 14 years-- the direction we were looking-- it's all changed. We are done pursuing this illusive life that only asks for more, more, more and requires us to play dress up and act as if we are something we are not. And, as we slip into shoes that fit--- shoes that feel custom made to every curve of our feet-- it feels like home. Home.  Real, comfortable, empowering, lovely home. And suddenly, we're surrounded with the uncertainty that comes with change.  The raw, lonely, uncomfortable unknown. And yet, it  is  known!  It's US! Darin. Laurisa. Just us and our raw God-given gifts.  And all our experiences, and all our education and talent and desire. We trust that as we step so wholly into authenticity, that the stars will continue to align for us.  That there is a great and holy and rewarding work for us.  That our courage to be tru...