I never could have predicted how I would feel at the end of this marathon training.
My heart is full of gratitude as I attempt to savor these last two days. I am surprised at how much it feels like coming to the end of pregnancy.
When it really comes down to the end, you start to realize what a privilege it has been.
You reminisce about all the extremely difficult times, and also the overwhelmingly joyful ones. It is a surreal feeling as you know in a matter of days it will all be over. All those months of hard work and all those years of dreaming-- will be crowning in achievement, and then over in a few short days.
There is a tinge of sadness, almost like parting from an old friend. One who walked with you as you became someone new.
You wonder what adventures life holds for you after the labor is through.
There is a sense of humility and longing for peace as you know that the last piece of the process is the most difficult yet. You have never run that far-- and as much as you hope that all will go as planned, truly you have no idea.
However, you have learned to roll with the punches.
You know through this experience that God will give you the best thing for you-- every time. Through the setbacks, heartaches and great pain you know there is a greater plan. And so you choose to trust and let go of fear.
You are in awe at all that you have learned. The over-arching lesson has been this:
As much as you would like to think that you are supported and upheld by other people- in the end it is really only God and you.
Just as in labor, you so badly want your loved ones to help you through the unrest. And, just as in labor, in the end you must pass through it alone. Calling upon God for strength, and no one else. Other people- all other people- have their own lives they are living. Drawing your strength from people is not dependable. For they are human too, and cannot be all that you need. But God however, God is dependable. He is constant- the only true constant you will ever know. To your loneliest places and back, he has walked it all with you. Because of that, you love him more deeply than you ever have before. He has truly become your strength and your song.
This morning I will run a simple two miles. I'm leaving my phone home this time. No music or books to distract me-- I want to be present through every step. With God by my side, I want to savor these last moments.
Hoping it will be a long 17 minutes... I have a whole lot of singing to do.
My heart is full of gratitude as I attempt to savor these last two days. I am surprised at how much it feels like coming to the end of pregnancy.
When it really comes down to the end, you start to realize what a privilege it has been.
You reminisce about all the extremely difficult times, and also the overwhelmingly joyful ones. It is a surreal feeling as you know in a matter of days it will all be over. All those months of hard work and all those years of dreaming-- will be crowning in achievement, and then over in a few short days.
There is a tinge of sadness, almost like parting from an old friend. One who walked with you as you became someone new.
You wonder what adventures life holds for you after the labor is through.
There is a sense of humility and longing for peace as you know that the last piece of the process is the most difficult yet. You have never run that far-- and as much as you hope that all will go as planned, truly you have no idea.
However, you have learned to roll with the punches.
You know through this experience that God will give you the best thing for you-- every time. Through the setbacks, heartaches and great pain you know there is a greater plan. And so you choose to trust and let go of fear.
You are in awe at all that you have learned. The over-arching lesson has been this:
As much as you would like to think that you are supported and upheld by other people- in the end it is really only God and you.
Just as in labor, you so badly want your loved ones to help you through the unrest. And, just as in labor, in the end you must pass through it alone. Calling upon God for strength, and no one else. Other people- all other people- have their own lives they are living. Drawing your strength from people is not dependable. For they are human too, and cannot be all that you need. But God however, God is dependable. He is constant- the only true constant you will ever know. To your loneliest places and back, he has walked it all with you. Because of that, you love him more deeply than you ever have before. He has truly become your strength and your song.
This morning I will run a simple two miles. I'm leaving my phone home this time. No music or books to distract me-- I want to be present through every step. With God by my side, I want to savor these last moments.
Hoping it will be a long 17 minutes... I have a whole lot of singing to do.
A whole marathon Laurisa? Awesome! When sage is a toddler, I'm planning on just one and the rest of my running career just fun races.
ReplyDeleteIt was and still is a hard but so amazing lesson to learn that it always comes down to you and God. How else are we going to remember our love for Him and His love for us. Keep it up Laurisa - love the writing.