Standing in the Checkout Line

I was standing in the checkout line with my 4-year-old daughter, when the man who was bagging groceries started playing a game. 

The man would hold out his hand for a high-five, and just when Olivia attempted to hit it, he’d pull it away.  I looked down at her to gauge her feelings about this “game” as she squealed with delight.  She loved it.

Again, and again, they played!  His hand extended towards her, asking for a five and then outbursts of laughter as she missed.  They played together happily for a minute or two.

And then, she was done.

I watched as every part of her body spoke that she was done.  She moved away from him and came close to me.  She didn’t look at him or try to slap his outstretched hand anymore.  She stopped laughing. 

I bent down to talk to her.  “Olivia, are you done playing that game?”  

She nodded.

I turned to the man and said with a smile, “She’s done now.”

“Aw, come on!” the playful man said.

Olivia remained hidden behind my leg, so I repeated: “She’s done now.  Thank you.”

He sat with his hand outstretched, and things began to feel slightly uncomfortable.  It was obvious that this silly-hearted man didn’t like being turned down by a 4-year-old, and even more obvious that he certainly didn’t expect me to stand up for her.  With every passing second, I felt the pressure rising, the discomfort in the air was thick.

“She doesn’t want to play anymore.”  My voice was firmer this time.  “It was fun for a minute, but now she is done.” He then hung his head in disappointment as Olivia and I got our things and left the store.

Back in our car, I sat staring blankly ahead, thinking about this encounter.  How very 

everyday-ish it was, and also how very hurtful the messaging could have been for her.

I reflected back, knowing that Young-Mom-Laurisa would have acted so differently.

Past Laurisa would have reacted to the discomfort of the man, (or my own discomfort of the moment), and joined in the coaxing, trying to get Olivia to do what the stranger wanted her to do.  I would have smiled at the man and said something like, "Come on sis, play the game." or "Olivia, don't you want to play??  It was fun!  He wants you to keep playing!"  It certainly would have relieved the tension in the air.  For the moment.  

If I had modeled that kind of behavior, I wonder what she would now believe about her right to stand up for herself in the face of pressure?  I wonder what she’d have learned about authority figures and boundaries.  If I had modeled a desire to please others rather than honoring and respecting our intuitive voice, what would be the consequences of that in her life?

Sitting in the car, I felt grateful that today I’m not about people pleasing OR relieving tension for others.  Today, I’m about honoring my daughter's right to say NO.  Today, I’m about standing through awkward and uncomfortable interactions with strangers.  Or family.  Or friends.  Today, I believe that her inner knowing matters.  Today, it was a privilege to witness as Olivia listened to her body and I was proud to hold space for her while she did it.  

And this is where it begins.  Baby-step by baby-step, grocery store encounter by grocery store encounter, we stand tall and allow our girls to see just how powerful they are.