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Fun House

 Their doctrine does not feel kind.  In my core, it feels yucky.  Stagnant.  It makes me spin.  It makes me question myself.  In my uncertainty, I go nowhere.  I make zero progress.  I feel confused.  Worried.  Frightened.  Sad.

    I'm standing in a fun house.  On the outside there's happy music, colorful flowers, smiling faces.  It's so inviting.  Inside it's a maze of deceptive mirrors and alluring promises.  So much to love- it entices me everywhere.  With my head held high I try to move forward, but inevitably slam face first into mirrors that I didn't know were there.  BAM!

    I turn in another direction, moving a little slower this time and guarding my now aching head.  BAM!

    The force is intense, bruises forming on my forehead.  I begin to speak up.  I rally the leaders for help. I try to warn the people.  But no one does a thing.  Strangely, they all smile and nod.  "Yes."  Yes it hurts.  "Pain is all part of the process" they say with a smile.  "Stop making a fuss sweetie.  Just go invite more people."  They pat my head a few times as if I'm an adorable toddler.  Elevating my voice, I feel mad.  "But this place is HURTING people!  You're not listening to me!  We've GOT to change some things!"  They smile and nod condescendingly.

    Before long, I'm questioning my own sanity and asking myself if perhaps there's something wrong with me?  Maybe I deserve the pat on the head and condescending smile.  My posture continues to shrink.  My confident voice quivers.  If I can't trust myself, what else is there??

    I slide down the mirror and fall to my knees.  I'm watching from afar as they continue to collect admission fees.  In a steady stream, people file in.  They're looking for peace.  They're looking for truth.  They've found the fun house.

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