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broken-hearted. grateful. happy. longing. proud.

I feel like one of the many. Like I'm standing in a huge circle of humanity. I'm standing here holding my hands over my heart, so I can touch its broken edges. I approach the circle suddenly. There I am. In this circle, I don't have to say a thing. I stand there with my hands over my heart, dense tears rolling down my neck. And without me saying a thing, they know- all the parents who have gone before, stand in solidarity. On their faces I read a deep, deep compassion. They know.

There is no judgement here. This circle is too real for that. Like me, they know the wordless place I'm in. How everything can change in an instant.

He said it out loud so I could hear it without ambivalence, "Mom, I don't want to be with you. I've been with this family that I love for my whole life. I'm ready to move on now. It's time."

And in a flashing moment, here I am. Broken-hearted. Grateful. Happy. Longing. Proud.

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